Not Quite 30

I think it must be a sign of my encroaching old age that I am getting more and more freaked out by public bathrooms. I used to consciously breathe through my mouth while I was inside one because I was afraid of smelling the bodily fumes of strangers. Now? I mouth-breathe without even realizing I’m doing it.
I try not to think about who was in there last, or why. It’s hard to decide what gives me the willies more: listening to a stranger pee in the stall next to me,  or seeing someone come out of the single bathroom I’m about to walk into, and having to think about the fact that their ass was just parked on the same toilet seat that mine is about to touch.

It’s getting ridiculous. Last week I had to change my tampon in a public restroom on a beach in Hawaii, and I nearly hyperventilated the entire time. And Cash still teases me about the time I came home from work, indignant because I’d gone in for a pee break following lunch with a co-worker, and she audibly pooped while in the stall right next to mine. It was just…a breach of trust, you know? I didn’t even know her that well! She could have waited until I left! Why would someone do that?

I have a friend who is the biggest germaphobe I’ve ever met. She flushes public toilets with her foot. I used to think she was crazy. Now I wonder if she’s on to something. She hardly ever gets sick. Meanwhile, I’m probably a boiling hive of public ass germs.

I spent a lot of time with The Artist this weekend. In fact, we saw each other on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and we had so much fun. We ended the weekend by seeing Sharon Jones/Feist at the Hollywood Bowl, picnicking and drinking wine under the stars.  I love every minute that The Artist and I spend together and I feel like we’re getting closer although I’m trying to keep some distance and not let things move ahead too fast since even now, I’m still not 100% sure where things are going. And that’s not to say that he is even remotely sketchy or evasive in his behavior. Quite the opposite. Since our first date The Artist has been consistent, reliable and sweet. Still, I’m not one to assume that I’ve landed in a committed monogamous relationship until I’ve had “the talk” with someone and we have not yet had “the talk.”

I’m enjoying it so much and am looking forward to seeing where it goes. And the best part is that I got an email from the Dr. over the weekend. He said that even though we’re not going to be dating, he would still like to hang out here and there which is GREAT because I do enjoy his company so much so perhaps you CAN have your cake and eat it to.

Now the only thing I have to worry about is Disaster. Disaster and I talked on Sunday morning and he let me know that he could tell that I was dating someone since my “behavior had changed.” Yes it’s true now that I am spending such a majority of my time with The Artist, I just haven’t had time for Disaster with whom I’m maintaining a friendship. It’s hard because my attitude towards any hurt feelings should be “eff him” but I do love him and care about his feelings and do feel bad that he’s feeling neglected. At the same time, I have someone in my life who I like and care about and for the first time in 3 years I have no interest in prioritizing Disaster.

In some ways it’s the best feeling in the world for me to feel like I’ve finally found someone who I’m CRAZY about, but in other ways it feels VERY weird to be closing the door on something that’s been part of my life for SO long. I mean, even if you get gangrene in one of your limbs and it’s infected and going to make you sick, it’s still hard to cut off that limb and see it gone forever.

Only time will show what happens to my friendship with  Disaster, if anywhere if I continue things with The Artist. Right now I’m trying to just focus on the present and enjoy every moment that comes my way.

I realized something about myself today. I can be capable of great selfishness. It’s a bitter pill to swallow since I consider myself to be a good person, but I realized that I was taking advantage of the Dr. because I was afraid.

All this time that I’ve been dating The Artist, everything has seemed too good to be true. Especially because the last time I felt this way about someone and they had the same feelings as me, it ended in well…Disaster. Even though Disaster loves me to death, and I do believe that as he says, he always will, he was never able to fully commit to being together with me. It created a 4 year on/off relationship filled with turmoil where I was constantly questioning whether or not I was with the right person. Obviously he was NOT the right person, but it was hard to see that while I was in the middle of it all.

Now that I’m dating someone again who is just as in it as I am, it’s scared me. Because I can’t trust that it’s not going to just fall out underneath me the way it did with Disaster. And because it’s always so hard to be vulnerable. To let someone get as close as they can and have them possibly decide once they get there that your flaws are just too big for them to take on. But what I realized is that just because I have this trust issue, it doesn’t mean that I can’t take a leap of faith with The Artist. And it also doesn’t mean that I have a right to keep the Dr. around as a plan B in case things don’t work out.

And that’s not to say that I don’t care about the Dr. I do. And I enjoy his company, and he’s funny, and he’s sweet. But I already know that I’d always feel like something’s missing with him. I think that a blog’s worth of dating speaks to myself having enough experience to know that by now.  And I also know that as long as I feel this way about The Artist, and if he feels about me the way that he seems to, then it’s not fair to have the Dr. around. As the old saying goes, three’s a crowd.

And most importantly, it’s just not fair for me to commit lukewarmly (is that a word?) to seeing the Dr. here and there just in case things don’t work out with The Artist.  True love is not “just in case.”  So, with many apologies, I emailed the Dr. and told him that he was right. And that if we are going to hang out, then it should be if and when it’s just me and him. I don’t even know if he’ll respond much less be okay with my fickle approach to things, but I hope that at the least he doesn’t hold it against me.

The plus side is that I feel as if a weight has been lifted. Besides my stint with the Professor this will be the first time in a long time that I’m not juggling multiple menz and it feels really good to just focus on one person and to also know that with the amazing friends that I have, I will be okay even if it doesn’t work out.

Until lata.

-Lauren

What are the so called rules of attraction? Are there any really? According to livescience.com, “The smell of your armpits, the symmetry of your face, and your waist-to-hip ratio all factor in to a prospective Valentine’s decision.”

For the last 3 years of my life, since my breakup with Disaster, I’ve come across one person, ONE, that I’ve been attracted to almost as much as Disaster. That’s not a lot of people over a 3 years span. Yes I’ve dated people who are “attractive”. But have never had that all-encompassing, stars collide chemistry that was such a huge part of my relationship with Disaster.

Until now. The Artist and I had our first kiss exactly one week ago tonight, and we haven’t stopped kissing since. I think I had almost forgotten what it was like to desire someone to kiss you. To wish for it, to really enjoy it, because I’d been forcing myself to have chemistry with people for so long.

Of course with that kind of chemistry, there’s always the potential for things to move along too quickly, so I’m taking  things slow, but I had forgotten what kind of happiness it can bring for two people to enjoy each other so much in that way. I also don’t want to get too excited about this or too wrapped up in it prematurely. After all, we don’t know each other THAT well and after hurricane Professor I’m still withdrawing from my own personal FEMA program putting things back together.

I have a lunch date with The Artist today, an evening beach date with him tomorrow, and a dinner/movie date with him on Saturday and looking forward to every minute of it. Will keep you all posted!

-Lauren

You know, I’m starting to think that perhaps societies with arranged marriages have the right idea. Only because sometimes I feel like I have so many options that my sense of what I want and need out of a relationship becomes increasingly convoluted.

This weekend was so much fun but also so confusing. On Friday night the Artist made dinner for me. A delicious and perfect dinner and then we were going to watch a movie bt ended up kissing for hours and hours instead. I ended up sleeping over at his place until about 5:00am which is when I woke up and thought to myself, OMG, I made a HUGE mistake!

See, when the Dr. emailed me on Friday and told me he didn’t want us spending time together unless we were exclusive, I had no problem agreeing not to see him any more. After all, even though I really liked him on our first date, I wasn’t really that attracted to him because he wasn’t what I was expecting when he showed up. But at 5:00am on Saturday, it occurred to me that in some ways, he’s exactly what I’m looking for.  He’s SO funny, and so smart and has such a cute personality and we have a lot in common. As strong as my feelings are for The Artist, and our chemistry is so strong, every time I have chemistry with someone, they end up being completely wrong for me, and I think I’m scared that this is going to be the case again.

I was having trouble sleeping at The Artists anyway (dogs + heat + strange bed), so I excused myself and went home to spend the rest of the night (or morning) in my own bed. After I woke up (late), I texted the Dr. to see if he wanted to get a coffee that afternoon and talk about our email correspondence the day before, knowing that I was seeing my love coach beforehand and would be able to get some GREAT advice from her.  She was fully supportive of my contacting him and seeing if he would be willing to go on a few more dates together, even with my dating other people, to see where things go before I commit to anyone…that is IF I commit to anyone.

The coffee with the Dr. was so much fun. He understood where I was coming from and agreed that we should keep hanging out and see where it goes even though I would be dating other people.

That night I met Duncan at his gallery and we did up the town! We went to multiple art galleries, drank way too much and had an insanely good dinner at a restaurant downtown called Pete’s. I had such a blast with him and he is a wonderful person, but I realized by the end of the night that as much as I like him, he’s 49 and that’s just too old for me,  although to be honest, I wanted to go home and go to bed before he did. As good looking, adventurous and energetic as he is for his age, I just can’t date someone who is that close in age to my dad. It would probably kill him.

So Sunday morning I woke up feeling at peace with the world. Sunday night, The Artist and our friends J&E all went out together for drinks. And here is where everything got so confusing. Because as soon as I was around The Artist again, I realized how much I am falling for him, and that I could see this going somewhere so much more easily than I could see myself with the Dr. The Artist is someone that I could probably spend every night hanging out with, and I really miss him when we’re not hanging out and. BUT, when it comes down to it, the Dr. and I just have more in common AND now I’ve talked him into dating and seeing where it goes, so if things do progress with The Artist, the Dr. is going to probably feel totally screwed over.

Ugh. How do I get myself into these situations?! I feel like springs are going to fly out of my head. I just have to remind myself that at the end of the day, I can’t predict the future. I really don’t know if I’ll end up in a serious relationship at all much less with either The Artist or the Dr., and I just have to breath and relax. It’s just hard to do when there are so many hearts on the line, including mine.

Lauren

 
As if women don’t already worry about their looks enough…

Hi-Def is accentuating imperfections in actors. According to the NY Times, producers are taking steps to hide the imperfections. Some shots are lit differently, while some actors simply are not shot at certain angles, or are getting cosmetic surgery, or seeking expert grooming.

Another option is makeup to mitigate wrinkles or facial flaws. An issue addressed by cosmetic company Cargo with it’s new line of Blu_Ray Products “designed to provide flawless results while maintaining a perfectly natural look. ”

The entire blu_ray™ Collection at an unbelievable price. Limited Edition Sephora Exclusive! blu_ray, is a revolutionary collection developed for make-up artists filming in high-definition, as well as all women who want to achieve a flawless face. This collection of five products is powerful enough to provide full coverage all the while looking completely natural. Ideal for filming, photography, weddings, special events and for everyday beauty because life happens in high-definition.

Well I take it back. I guess I don’t have a date with the Dr. next week after all. To be honest, I’m a little bit relieved because I was kind of making myself do it to see if I would be more attracted to him this time.

The Dr. sent me an email today confirming our hang-out for Thursday, but also asking me if I am seeing any other people because “If you have doubts, or are dating someone else, just let me know. I promise it won’t hurt my feelings. I would actually prefer to know early so i can move on.”

That’s a lot to put on someone after just one date right? Anyway,  I wrote the Dr. back and explained that yes while I am dating someone else, I am not hooking up with them, but that if he did not want us to go out on Thursday I would completely understand. Turns out, he does not want to go out on Thursday…”Lets hold off on Thursday, as I would prefer to wait until you are all done with the other guy.”

Can’t argue with that!

I saw The Artist for lunch on Wednesday and again late last night, and we finally had our first kiss. It was wonderful and intense and exciting, just the way a first kiss should be.  We are also going to hang out tonight. I think that if this was any other person I was dating, I would be weirded out by them wanting to spend so much time with me. But because I like him so much too and look forward to seeing him, it makes me happy that he wants us to see each other so often.

At the same time, unlike other relationships that I’ve gotten into where I tend to want to hurry things along, I feel very relaxed about this one and am happy to see where it goes, and am in no rush to get into something super serious. Maybe I would feel differently if I wasn’t dating around so much, but I’m also curious to hang out with Duncan, the gallery owner tomorrow night and the Dr. again next Thursday.

That being said, if I’m honest with myself, I would give up all of the others to spend more time with The Artist. But right now, so as  not to get carried away, it’s all head before heart until I feel more certain about things. In the meantime I’m looking forward to more share time and more kissing.

And speaking of things that taste yummy, I went back to M Cafe de Chaya for lunch AGAIN today. I got another one of the shitake inaris which are awesome, and tried the “Melrose Muffaleta” which was SO good, although a bit heavy somehow even though it’s macrobiotic. I’ve talked my friend J into going there with me on Sunday so that I can try a few new things there this weekend.

Until next week,

Lauren

Even going on as many dates as I do, it’s actually very rare that I meet someone that I feel connected to and/or attracted to right off the bat. The funny thing about meeting The Artist was that the night we met, the last thing I expected was to meet someone that I would actually end up liking. I met The Artist through my friends J&E. Without any intention of a fix up or set up, J&E had invited me and The Artist over at the same time on a couple of occasions in a row. Even though I thought that The Artist was very cute and very sweet right off the bat, I guess it just never occurred to me that maybe he was thinking the same things about me too.

Modern marvel that the Internet is, The Artist found me through Facebook and suggested that perhaps some time we hang out without J&E to keep us company, and I agreed. I think he was saying “I like you” and wanted to see if perhaps I said “I like you too.”

The Artist and I ended up having 3 dates this weekend. 2 dates with coffee and his 2 adorable pups at the dog park (Friday afternoon and Sunday morning), and one great date last night (Saturday night) which included dinner, seeing “Wall-E”, and one late-night drink at Penthouse in Santa Monica’s Huntley Hotel. We actually ended up spontaneously meeting up on Friday afternoon after he called me to talk about plans for our Saturday night date. At the risk of putting my heart on my sleeve which I am loath to do, this is the first time that I’ve really connected with someone like this in forever, even more so than I did with the Professor.  I can’t help but really really like The Artist. There is an air of familiarity with The Artist. I can’t put my finger on it other than to say that I see a lot of Disaster’s good qualities in him. He is genuine, sweet, considerate and creative. Hopefully Disaster’s commitment-phobia and duplicity won’t emerge as qualities also.

And as someone dating in Los Angeles, I can’t help but be won over by someone unafraid of both hanging out successive days in a row, and also by his ability to plan the next date while on the current one, something that most L.A. guys tend to avoid in case some “better” opportunity should present itself that week.  At the end of our date Saturday night, he asked me to hang out today (Sunday) and in fact, we already have our next date planned for later on this week.

I  think what’s most different with The Artist is how much I actually want to hang out with him and be around him. I just never imagined that first night that I met him that a few weeks later I would want to be spending so much of my free time with him.  I have no idea what will come of it if anything at all, but it feels good to actually want to spend time with someone and get to know them and to be excited about someone.

As for the other menz, I do have a dinner date planned with Jason S. for Wednesday night (although I think I may be more excited about the burger than the actual company) and Duncan is taking me out on Saturday night to an “art event” and then drinks at The Edison downtown. As I always tell my friends, until you are in a committed relationship, go out there, explore, and have fun…and that’s what I’m doing.

–Lauren

I have a date with Christian Bale. It’s for Saturday July 19th and we are spending a couple of hours together at the Arclight. Don’t hate.

Translation: I have geeked out and already bought tickets to see “The Dark Knight”. That being said, if anyone knows how to get in touch with Christian Bale, please let him know that I would be more than happy to call him up and discuss further shameless promotion on this blog.

And speaking of things that I am obsessed with. Has anyone eaten at the new M Cafe de Chaya in Culver City!? I have now eaten there 3 times in 3 days. Here’s a list of what I have tried and the review:

M Chopped Salad: Had this 2x already as it’s kind of the best salad I’ve ever eaten, combining many of my favorite things such as beets, cucumber, avocado, tempeh bacon, and they’ve somehow faked ranch dressing so that it’s really good and not gloppy and disgusting and overwhelming to the salad.

Garden Sushi Roll: Meh

Shitake & Avocado Roll: Yum! But could have used a little less rice.

Shitake Inari: Best thing ever! Wish I had gotten more than one.

Lotus Room & Corn Chowder: Meh

Fries with “micro ketchup”: They must have angels whipping these up in the back they are SO good. Could have done without the micro ketchup which was like, beets or something pink and way too sweet.

I will be going back again and again although at $10-$14 a pop, probably not every day…for long.